Still

Last night, I successfully made a favorite recipe with all natural and/or organic ingredients. This isn't hard to do with a one dish pasta meal, but it is a feat for me. Some of my comfort foods have failed to convert to organic or natural ingredients. (Actively looking for a new taco dip recipe because my childhood fave didn't compute to organic.) The Tomato Basil Pasta is so enjoyable and straight-forward to make. Simmering the tomato sauce and prepping the basil are calming. However, getting everything to the table and everyone assembled always gets me frazzled. It doesn't matter how breezy and enjoyable the cooking was a minute ago. Mid frazzle, my hubby tells me about his latest endeavor. Meditating. It is really difficult to discuss meditation when your mind is in a panicked state. Once we sat down, I was able to listen and appreciate the benefits. He really did seem serene.

I have dabbled in stillness. Yoga's savasana seems to be the only time I can do it without falling asleep or tapping my fingers. Working my entire body and meditating on stretches help tame the impatience which courses through my body. I can think of a bunch of reasons not to put in my yoga DVD. I rationally know I will feel mentally and physically better if I do it. But the laundry, groceries, school projects, Netflix movie...and the list goes on. Other times I have tried straight up mediating, I feel guilty. Knowing that taking a break is necessary for my brain, I try to fight the guilt. Now the meditation session has turned into a war in my brain about whether or not I have the time to do this. The war is not relaxing at all.

Apparently, being still has been on my kids minds, too. This is a poem my kids asked me to read twice the other night:
When I am Full of Silence by Jack Prelutsky
When I am full of silence,
and no one else is near,
the voice I keep inside of me
is all I want to hear.
I settle in my secret place,
contented and alone,
and think no other thoughts except
the thoughts that are my own.

When I am full of silence,
I do not care to play,
to run and jump and fuss about,
the way I do all day.
The pictures painted in my mind
are all I need to see
when I am full of silence...
when I am truly me.

Being mindful and still with your mind is a gift you can give yourself. So, maybe it is time to spend a little time with Shiva Rea and get my savasana on. Or give the old fashion meditation one more whirl to declutter my brain. Maybe right before dinner I can center myself, so those last few moments of preparation don't get me in a spin. Maybe The Eagles can help me out.