Sunday, November 13, 2011

Using Chaos to Find Clarity

I have often pleaded with my very very patient husband that I could get it done, feel at peace, deal with it, etc, if I just had time. Well, last year I got time. And it didn't happen. None of it. Fast forward through all the icky personal growth mumbo jumbo I experienced, I now am finishing my first semester of college after a 10 years. A course in mindfulness meditation opened my eyes to the misconception I had about time. I don't need time I need clarity. Tackling to do lists and confronting issues in my life doesn't take time, it takes quiet reflection and contemplation. The noise in my head was really bothering me. Finally being forced to sit with it has made me appreciate those overwhelming moments. For instance today: head swimming with chores, a pistachio cake in the oven, two rowdy boys who blew through every room like tornadoes, my hubby celebrating a birthday by not dealing with tornadoes, homework, boys homework, laundry and the nagging feeling Christmas needs to be addressed were all the thoughts flooding me as I stood in my laundry room trying to orient myself to what happens next. The automatic thought was to beg for more time to get it all done. As the plea was forming I closed my eyes, dropped in to my body, took a breath and sought clarity. Suddenly I wasn't asking the impossible of the universe, instead I was asking myself to lighten up and just enjoy the show.

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