New Soul in Whole Foods

Walking through Whole Foods, I feel like an alien. Most recently I asked where I could find the Chow Mein noodles. The nice man gave me a sympathetic and gentle look. "Are you looking for the crunchy ones?" Immediately sensing I was committing a whole food blunder, I fessed up. "Yes, but I am guessing they aren't considered a Whole Food?" He was then nice enough to show me the substitute.

When I married my husband 12 1/2 years ago, my diet resembled a toddler menu at a greasy spoon. I was lucky to eat a vegetable, any beverage I consumed was a soda and entrees were complete once smothered in cheese. A mass spam email was my first food awakening. It was about aspartame. I had just switched over to diet soda thinking it was the best way to tend to my slowly growing waistline. In my 21 year old mind, the heaping bowls of Shoepps Chocolate Chip Ice Cream before bed weren't contributing in anyway. Well, the message whether true or false sent home the message that chemicals in your food could be harmful. I never considered this fact. Discussing it with my husband and announcing I was only going to drink regular soda, he quickly pointed out high fructose corn syrup isn't natural. So with that I began weaning myself off of soda. It was a first step.

Many years later, 2 kids, several documentaries and discussions with health conscious people I have expanded my list to eliminate trans fat, high fructose corn syrup in as many things as possible, and my latest endeavor avoiding the antibiotics in food. Deciphering ingredient lists and taking it one battle at a time is helping me be mindful of food choices. Looking back, it is a huge leap from the girl who only ordered grilled cheese sandwiches.

For my kids sake, I wish I could have been more mindful of my food from the beginning. The unexpected result is they are taking this journey with me and learning about food as I do. Alex's questions and reflections while Jamie Oliver explained about pink slime in ground beef as we watched Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution filled me with excitement. Getting to explain to him knowing where your food comes from is the issue, not the ground beef empowered both of us in different ways. He is now asking about the food on his plate, and I am motivated to keep learning.

I am a ways off from feeling confident in Whole Foods or properly utilizing the farmers market. I am a new soul in strange world, and it is starting to feel a bit more like home.

Making Life Everclear

Puzzling together a spinach salad with whatever I can find in the fridge left me angry and frustrated. I hate vegetables, so it shouldn't be a surprise to me I struggle to come up with creative and delicious vegetable combinations for my family. Instead of seeing my lack of knowledge about spinach as a teaching moment and a chance to be creative, I am bombarded with the list of failures I assign to myself. Halfway through the list, I stop. I am beating myself up. Cue the violin, but let's make it the opening to Everclear's "Learning How to Smile."

There is a phrase that has been following me most of my life, and only now am I beginning to realize how true it is. "You are being too hard on yourself." It is time I came forward and said I have been abused. The abuser is myself. Like in the song, my husband and I moved around for his school. Each time I hoped for a fresh start free from the abuse, and each time the depression inevitably followed. Only now am I seeing it is because the first box I packed was all my emotional baggage including the list of charges against myself and unreasonable expectations.

The irony for me is I am a smiler, which is something else I hear a lot about myself. "You're smiley." I am that person at the grocery store who will try to catch your eye in the aisle and give you a friendly smile. I share them freely with strangers. The more I get to know you the less I smile. And I don't smile for myself. So that is what I am vowing to do. Find the lighter side. Smile. And stop the abuse.

It is ok if I ruin the spinach. With Art's words,

Yes I know there ain't no finish line
I know this never ends
I am just learning how to fall, climb back up again.

So, off to the computer to find out what I could possibly make from this spinach that won't require a trip to the store and may entice my 6 and 7 year old to appreciate vegetables. And I did it. By mixing fresh spinach with mandarin oranges and almonds I never had to ask them to try the salad. Everyone took their bites. No complaints, and no abuse. I smiled.

Getting Funky with Dishes

Trapped in the kitchen on Easter afternoon, dishes piled from the Bunny Brunch, I am struggling to find a rhythm to the work before me. It should be simple, just wash the dishes and straighten up the kitchen. Thirty minutes tops. But I don't want to do it! Usually this is where music drowns out and distracts me from my whining, however today Pandora isn't serving up anything. The radio bores me. My ipod has so much music I don't know where to begin and shuffle is frustrating me.

All of it is offering music I love. As I forward past Arcade Fire, Paul Simon and Spoon, I realize my usual mix isn't cutting it because I need a beat. My brain doesn't want to process anything heavy, it just wants to thump along to a great dance beat and ditch any deep thoughts.

Meanwhile, in the next room, I hear my 6 year old son singing Ke$ha's Tik Tock with his lego men. I guess it is genetic. I get enough Ke$ha thanks to Diary of the Wimpy Kid, and I am going to need something with more kick.

Enter Lady Gaga...